Tomorrow will be the first day of 2013…
There are no words to describe my 2012. A year full of huge and heavy obstacle, a year of drama, sweat, tears, laughter. A year like no other.
There are so many things happened this year..and it thought me many things. Yes, most of it I wished it didn’t happened but as I view it as a whole and in a positive way..I know there’s a reason behind all of it. In sya Allah I became stronger.
As the time went by and 2013 is approaching, I try to reflect and think positive on the things that had happened. What it meant, what’s the rainbow behind the rain, what I can learn from it. and I realize something…
I have been too caught up in this world…too busy chasing my dunia that I forgot and didn’t care at all about my akhirat. I have spend so much time preparing, deciding, trying to make perfect for my world and not realizing that it didn’t at all have anything to do with my akhirat. Yes, some of it is a preparation of the akhirat but the way I have done it? not even close to ‘mencapai keredhaan Allah’. I realize that I was lost. People always think that the person who is lost or is far from Allah is the ones that is too social, or violent, in other words physically a bad person. But a person who looks normal or maybe dress appropriately and have no bad rep, still can be far from Allah..chasing his/her dunia. A person like myself. A really normal typical girl, thinking of making something better for herself in this world and thinking that she has done nothing ‘bad’ but the fact is, she is too caught up and not really focusing on her afterlife; her akhirat. 😦
I use to think why would Allah give me obstacle that is so bad that I sometimes don’t think I can manage it, even if I said to myself Allah will never give ‘ujian luar dari kemampuan hambanya’. I know a fact that it’s true but sometimes I feel it’s too much. Then I started to think more and began to realize maybe what I was thinking is one of ‘hasutan syaitan’, which is to let us humans loose faith in Allah, especially in times like this. Who are we saying we can’t do this or that, and the ujian is too much when in fact Allah said that He will not give a/an test/obstacle that we can’t handle. Am I that arrogant saying this is too much and not caring what Allah had said, when we all know in the end Allah knows best?
I am still learning and in the process of trying to upgrade myself and be a better hamba. I get knocked down a thousand of times in this process, by myself, my tests and of course the hasutan syaitan. I know now the reason why a huge obstacle is given to me, not just once but repeatedly. Allah loves me and Allah misses me. I don’t care now if I don’t have this or that, or why this happened, the usual why why why??? Everyone has its own test and, its ups and downs..and mine is this. I am trying to be grateful of what had happened and I am, because Allah wants me to wake up! and I pray strongly that I’ll be awake everyday every time and not be drifted away by dunia anymore.
I have a huge responsibility coming my way…
Not only that I am trying to become a better hamba to Allah, also a better wife to my husband and now I am learning and preparing myself to be a better Mother to our baby. Yes, I am currently PREGNANT. 🙂 22 weeks pregnant to be exact, about 5 months plus. He/she is the reason why I must force myself to wake up. From the first time you know that you’re pregnant, is actually the start where you are a Mother because even if the baby is not born yet, you still have to nurture and care for your pregnancy. a Mother to our unborn child. 🙂
My hopes and dreams for 2013?
Just one. To be closer to Allah..every time, every day, constantly wanting to be closer.
I know if I try to be closer and let Allah be in my constant prayer, thoughts and in my heart, it will eventually lead me to be a better muslimah, a better wife to my husband, a better daughter to my parents/in laws, a better sister to my siblings/in laws, and most of all..a great Mother to our child. In sya Allah….
Let Allah always be in our thoughts day and night. My hopes is for 2013 be a better year for all of us, in terms of everything..family, career, and especially in upgrading our iman.
I don’t like you 2012, but I don’t hate you either. 🙂